LADIES: WHO IS THAT MAN BEHIND YOU?

Behind every successful and accomplished woman, there is a strong, successful and accomplished man. By the same token, behind every miserable, trashy, low life, failed woman, there is a man with those same attributes. You cannot move up the life ladder when someone is pulling you down as you are trying to move up, when someone has proven to be a liability to your achievement and  success. That in itself is against nature’s law of traction and gravity, and nature never gets it wrong.

I know some of the socially and financially independent women will come with the usual lame and sorry line “I can do good all by myself; I don’t need a man…” Well, let me say this to these women: as good as you have it or you are doing now, I bet you could have been better off had you had an accomplished and successful man in your life to love you for who you are and support you in everything that you do (like Michele and Barack). Having such a man in your life is more than just an asset; that is a rock for you to build your empire on. Smart and intelligent women don’t use such lame and sorry line.

Michelle Obama, the First Lady of the United States (I am purposely using her as an example because she has come from the same humble beginnings as most of the ladies reading this piece), you can say she is a successful and accomplished woman. In her humbleness, she may not want to see herself as such, but conventional wisdom would agree that she is one successful and accomplished woman.

She has a beautiful family, a successful academic and professional life; she is highly educated; she seems to be happy; and her husband is the leader of the Free World. If that is not accomplishment and success, I don’t know what is. I don’t know one woman who would not wish to be walking in her shoes right now.

She was not born what she has become today. She was not born with a silver, golden or diamond spoon in her mouth. She had made choices (like all of us, good and bad). But she is one smart and intelligent lady. She knows how to score big. So she had made a choice, a smart one at that.

She chose Barack Obama -the son of an immigrant man from Kenya and a White woman from Kansas, a family-oriented, respectful, supportive, loving, caring, highly educated, goal-oriented man -based on the things she values. That’s how you make smart choices. You make smart choices based on substance, not ridiculousness. I bet some of her so-called friends might have not liked him for her because he was not looking flashy and “hip” with a mainstream profile. But she saw a man in him; she saw in him the substantive attributes which her so-called friends were incapable of seeing.  She is a woman of high standards, not one to settle for anything and everything just because it is flashy, bling bling and mainstream.

I am not asking any one woman to be like Michelle Obama, for no one can ever be like her. But I am asking all women to be smart and intelligent, for they all have the capacity to be intelligent and make intelligent choices. They just have to make good use of that intelligence they are so blessed to have.

Being a woman is to have the ability to make choices (good and bad). However, what makes a woman an intelligent woman is being able to capitalize on that ability to make intelligent choices.

The man a woman has in her life is a reflection of her value system, meaning no one can force her to be with a man just for the fun of being with a man. That has got to be her personal choice. However, if she is going to settle with someone, she knows she has got to make that choice worthy of the wait and worthy of the investment.

Being with someone is not a little kid game; that is a serious matter, one not to be taken lightly. Like I have always said, being with someone is a grown people business, for it can make or destroy your life to the point of irreparable. No matter how you would look at it, you are what you choose. And what you choose is a reflection of your value system. So behind every successful and accomplished woman, there is a strong, successful and accomplished man. And behind every miserable, trashy, low life, failed woman, there is a man with those same attributes.

PLAY POLITICS WITH THE WOMAN’S HEART

Politics and courtship are basically the same –winning the approval of an electorate or the heart of a woman. You have got to have a message. Do not embarrass yourself standing before an audience and not having a message to deliver. It is all about articulating that message in such a way to make your constituents or her fall for you. It may sound easy, but it is not. It requires skills –charisma, articulation or delivery style, humor, etiquette or protocol, etc… Those are the types of skills you acquire as you go, and you develop them.

In politics as in courtship, the goal is to win the heart, nothing less and nothing more. GO FOR THE HEART!!

First, you need to know or have a good grasp of the issues she is interested in so that you can make your case that you are the best candidate to make her dreams come true. It is all about telling her what she wants to hear in a futuristic perspective. If you do not know the life issues (her goals, her aspirations, her likes and dislikes, etc…) she is interested in, how can you articulate a winning message? Otherwise, you are setting yourself for failure. You have got to do your homework if you really want to win her vote or her heart.

Just like the American electorate, when it comes to courtship, women don’t think with their brains; they think with their hearts. That’s why you often hear the sayings “love is blind” and “the insanity of love.”

Gore lost the presidency in America to Bush not because the latter was the best and brightest, not because he had the best plan to move the country forward, but rather because he was “likable.” If the people were using their minds as opposed to their hearts, Gore would have been president; the country would have been in a much better shape than it is today.

In politics as in courtship, it is all about the message. But you can have the best message in the book, if you lack the charisma and the delivery style, you will not be as effective of a winner as you should.

Charisma is the skill that enables you to galvanize your audience, to make their jaws drop, to make them go gaga. It is the “too good to be true” phenomenon. You have to figure out how to do that, how to get her attention. That’s where the skill of charisma comes into play. You cannot win this type of emotional battle if you cannot win the heart.

Also, always fight the good battles –the ones that are winnable and worth fighting for. In other words, if you are willing to die for it, fight for it. By the same token, not all battles are worth fighting for. The same goes for women. Not all women are worth going after. Don’t waste your time. Go after the women with the baggage.

Now, I just used a very subjective terminology, and I am not going to define baggage for you. It is a very subjective terminology in that what I consider to be baggage may not be so to you. The best way to put it is to tell you to go after the women that represent your interests and value the things that you value. If education and a great career are the things that you value and she is the embodiment of those elements, go for it.

Well, I am going to end this by saying one thing: put your everything where your passion is. If you are passionate about that woman, that’s your motivation right there. And motivation is the drive that will get you to excel beyond your expectations. Remember, everything starts with having a winning message, which must reflect the woman’s interests and be articulated in a charismatic way. Do not waste your ammunitions and energy chasing worthless birds. Save them for the toughest and most challenging ones. I am out…

QUIT SAYING LOVE IS BLIND

I have been hearing the saying “love is blind” since I don’t know when, and people are still repeating the nonsense. I am sure I am not the only one to have been hearing it; you too have. Is it really love that is blind, or is it that at times our naïveté leads us into making the foolish, dumb and stupid decisions?

All of us are blessed with the capacity to think and reason, differentiating us from these four-legged animals. Love is indeed powerful, but its power can never get to overpower that of our sense of reason which all of us possess. I am not buying that.   

Relationship is not made for kids to get into. It is a grown people thing. It is not a game; it is a serious matter. It can mess you up to the point where your entire psychological self may need to literally be reconstructed. Choosing someone to be and stay with cannot be a gamble or a game of chess. It has got to be the result of some serious thinking.

Being with someone is just as serious as driving a motor vehicle. The only difference is that, unlike to operate a motor vehicle, you are not required to be licensed to be in a relationship with someone. But, in analogy, driving a vehicle and being in a relationship are basically the same. If love can get you blind, you should not be in relationships, for you will become a danger or a matter of disturbance to yourself and others.

If you realize that you are losing your 20/20 vision, my advice to you is to let someone else drive you around. In other words, if you feel like that love is getting you to lose your sense of logic and start acting foolish, dumb and stupid, maybe you need to do something about yourself. Take a relationship vacation or something until you recover your vision. I have been in the game for some time now, never have I lost my 20/20 vision. So quit saying love is blind. 😀