Parents: Discipline Your Kids So They Don’t Make You Cry Tomorrow

Time-out-chair

It is important that you parents discipline your children as early as toddlerhood (age 3 to 6) if you want to instill positive values in them.

Child psychology dictates that if you fail to change the behavior of your children before the age of 7, you cannot change it during adulthood.

The extreme physical disciplinary measures some of these children have been subject to are abusive and not warranted as there are better and more effective ways to rectify negative behaviors.

Time-out is a great disciplinary measure approved by some pediatricians and developmental psychologists for education and parenting.

Its main purpose is to enforce rules and set guidelines in children. It is by far the most effective form of child discipline in existence.

Time-out is a form of punishment where a child is temporarily separated from an environment where inappropriate behavior has occurred.

For the time-out, the child is sent to a designated area [often a corner or a similar space] where they are to stand or sit for the  entire period. And you parents must be firm  and unwavering in enforcing the punishment as they will try to patronize you and buy your sympathy.

Talk to kids

After the time-out, it comes down to you parents to talk to the child being disciplined to tell them what they did wrong and how you do not approve of the behavior -whatever the negative thing they did. Keep in mind that the purpose of time-out is to address negative behaviors and enforce rules, not to punish a “bad” kid.

How long should you keep your children on time-out? It is recommended that you keep them on time-out one minute per year of age. For example, if the child is 5 years old, you keep him or her on time-out for 5 minutes.

It is imperative that you discipline your kids if you do not want to see them become deviant elements, and if you do not want to cry tomorrow. When you discipline them, you must focus on the negative behavior -the wrong you want to rectify, not them per se. They are not bad, their behaviors are.

THE MISCONCEPTION OF MARRIAGE

We were not born to be married in order to be happy. We came to this world alone, alone we shall leave. So marriage is nothing more than a social obligation; it is not a life fulfillment. In other words, you don’t get married to live a happy life. Some people really misconceive the concept of marriage.

We were conceived with the capacity to be living happily alone. Marriage, as I argued before, is a social realization. We do it to be in conformity with the established societal norms. It is a misconstrued idea to believe that you have to be married to be happy. That level of thinking is worrisome.

In my opinion, marriage brings more stress into our lives than anything else, and reason being is that quite often we allow our happiness in the marriage to be placed in part in someone else’s hands -our husband’s or our wife’s. I have heard some women saying: “Without my husband, I don’t think I will be able to live.” That’s scary! That’s allowing someone other than yourself to have a too strong of a hold on your life.

Like most things in life, if not everything in life, marriage is a gamble. If you are lucky enough, you will hit the jackpot of a successful and happy marriage. But do not make it seem as though your husband or wife is the essence of your life. Don’t get caught in that level of reasoning.

Like someone had said before, the idea that marriage is a lifelong legal contract is preposterous. It should be like a lease, which should be renewed as you go along. When the lease is expired, when the lease is no longer valid, the decision whether to renew it or not would depend on many variables.

Some people choose to stay married, in spite of all the tribulations, humiliations and abuses they have been victim of mainly because they cannot begin to imagine living life outside their marriage; they express a sense of worthlessness without that person in their lives. But if they could, they would leave because they are not happy.

The decision to leave a marriage of so many years is not a joke. People are afraid of the unknown. Because they cannot see beyond the brick walls of their marriage, they are afraid to leave. That’s a serious decision for any one person to make.

Al and Tipper Gore, after being married for 40 years, have decided to be separated from each other; they have decided to kiss their marriage goodbye. Some think of the separation as devastating, I think of it differently. I do believe that their concerted and talked and thought through decision to go their separate ways is the best decision they could have made, and I am sure they are happy about it. They were emotionally separated years ago. It is just that it was not made the press. They were constrained to stay in the marriage only to please a society that does not really give a damn about them.

So the point I am trying to make in this piece is that I encourage anybody who wants to be married to do so because, in terms of human relations, it is good to know that you are loved. But if it is not producing the expected results, if it is revealing to be a bag of stress, if it is not what you thought it was going to be, if it is or has become a pain in the rectum, do as the Gores did -get out of it (regardless how long you’ve been married) before it takes your life away. Remember, stress is a silent killer. It will sneak on and kill you silently.

CUT THESE PASTORS’ BALLS AND FEED THE DOGS

Less than a year ago, a pastor in Nairobi, Kenya -who was engaging in an aggressive campaign against fornication and adultery -was flagrantly and blatantly caught in an adulterous relationship with the wife of a police officer.

The people of his congregation, who found out about the malicious, deceitful and embarrassing act, took matters into their own hands. They stripped both of them naked, beat the crap out of them, and forced them to kiss (all these happened in public and in broad daylight).

This situation of married pastors messing around with members of their congregations is not happening only in Kenya; it is happening in many religious circles in Haiti. In fact, not only are these guys preying on the female members of their congregations, they also at times do get them pregnant.  And when that happens, they would find a way to throw the situation under the carpet just to keep their stature clean and revered. And these defenseless and voiceless women, vilified by the rest of the congregation and society as a whole, are left to live with shame and in despair.

That was a nice way to teach this hypocrite bastard a lesson of honesty, trustworthiness and dignity. I do believe such practice needs to be instituted in my own Haitian society. I say if we catch them, let’s cut their balls and feed the hungry dogs with them.

WAS JESUS A SEXIST BY CONFORMITY?

Was Jesus a sexist by conformity, or did he have deep-rooted hidden issues with women? I personally have problems with his silence on and total disregard of women’s rights.

It is no secret that the role of women in his society was very limited to domestic obligations/duties and submission to a very patriarchal society. Women were treated as second class citizens, and they were subject to all kinds of physical and psychological abuses from their male counterparts. Yet, nowhere in his ministry has it been reported of his advocacy specifically for women’s rights. He addressed every single issue -taxation, law and order, governance, etc… -affecting his society, except that human relations glitch.

Also, how come his disciples, his pals or members of his immediate entourage were all men? That could not be a random misstep or a rare, simple and exceptional coincidence. What could it be exactly? Were the women not good enough to be in his close circle? What key role if any did women play in his ministry anyway?

I think the selection-elimination process by which he proceeded to select his disciples has got to be discriminatory or prejudicial. That was a well-thought-out decision to conform to the norms of his time. In other words, the decision to ostracize the women was not a simple and isolated coincidence.

I know some of you are going to use the storyline of the woman prostitute whose life he had spared from the people who wanted to stone her to death for violating an established societal law against overt and covert prostitution to rebut. Well, let me say to you that he did not defend her rights, which had never existed in and been recognized by her society to begin with. Rather, he wanted to pinpoint the hypocrisy that existed in the people of his time.

Maybe he was not an overt sexist, but he was a conformist who went silent on the ways women were being treated. The problems women were facing then are basically the same as the ones they are facing in today’s society. If he was alive today, how would he address unfair treatments of women in our society?

WE NEED TO ELIMINATE PUBLIC EDUCATION IN HAITI

This is a public policy matter, and I do expect many to disagree with me. Public education in Haiti needs a total reshuffling; it must be incorporated in a comprehensive plan to reform our economy. We cannot be talking about reforming the economy if we do not address the problems with our education.

We need a new system of education to prepare our kids to compete for the jobs of tomorrow at home and abroad.

Public education is a total failure in Haiti, and things will not get better if we do not change course. We need to take government out of the business of educating our kids and let the private sector take over.

Is Haiti a socialist or a capitalist state? Maybe we need to be clear on the type of economic system we have and the type we really need for Haiti. I am a big proponent of capitalism, for it does make sense to me. Maybe that’s what we need for Haiti. Right now, whether you want to agree with me or not, we have a socialist state; government controls almost everything.  

Before we get further in this, let’s take a moment to explain what the job of government should be in a capitalistic economy.

The role of government in a capitalistic economy is NOT to create jobs and compete against the private sector. It is, rather, to enact policies that would encourage private sector jobs. It should work to strengthen the private sector, and the two must work hand in hand to get things to work for the betterment of our society. So needless to say, we need a strong private sector.

In Haiti, government is the biggest competitor we have in the market, preventing the economy from expanding because it stalls competition. It should not be this way. Government is not to compete against the private sector. It is to set the path for the private sector to walk on.
 
I propose the elimination of all the public schools or state-funded institutions of learning and let the private sector take over them. As we have them right now, they are ineffective and represent a symbol of failure because of a lack of competition within the sector of government. We need to get rid of that.

Government should not be in the business of opening schools. It needs to allow the economically disfavored students to attend private schools or the school of their choosing by making grants and scholarships available to them. Doing so will create a market of schools for them to choose from. Giving them the ability to choose the school of their liking will empower them, and that will fuel the competition needed to get the system to work.

If competition is the engine that gets the economy to move, choice is the ignition that gets it to crank up. When government gets in the game, competition is stalled; the economy automatically stops expanding. On the other hand, when you have the players in the private sector competing against one another, it is good for competition in that it results in quality production or quality education for the students. In such a competitive climate, only the best schools will stand. The subpar or mediocre ones will have to close their doors because they won’t be able to sustain the competitive wave. That’s the phenomenon of the “invisible hand” Adam Smith, the Father of Capitalism, talked about in his masterpiece entitled An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations.    

In conclusion, we need to revamp the system of education in Haiti by allowing the private sector to assume its total control. The government should not be in the business of opening and managing schools. It should be there to subvention the economically disadvantaged students by providing them with grants and scholarships to attend the school of their choosing. Such a strategy will automatically fuel competition within the system, which, in turn, will produce the best educated kids to contribute in the economic and social development of their society.

IRRESPONSIBLE SEX & SINGLE PARENTHOOD

We cannot change society’s sentiments or perceptions of women having kids out of wedlock. Yes, it is not nice and kind for any woman to be looked down upon just because she has kids outside the realm of marriage. But what can you do? You cannot change that. What you can change, however, is your approach to courtship and sex.

Sex ought to be a very serious matter, something that must not be taken lightly. Why having sex with a man who does not see you good enough to be his wife? Please tell me. And when things get complicated and twisted, because a child comes to be added to the equation, you want to hate the man for not wanting to be in your life. You don’t mother his child as a way to keep him or pressure him to marry you. Some women do that, and I think it is very illogical.  

I am not here to be telling you to not be having premarital sex. In fact, you should already know where I stand on that. I encourage you to have responsible premarital sex. If you choose to abstain from having sex until you get married, that’s your choice, and no one should make you feel asocial or like some sort of a strange creature. But if you choose to have casual sex with someone you are not married to, be responsible about it. Enjoy the sexual pleasure there is to enjoy with your sense of reason and responsibility, meaning to do so with someone with the potentials and character to be your husband.

Some of you may argue that marriage is not for you. I can understand that, especially with women these days becoming more independent than ever before. However, from a socio-economic perspective, it is more of an asset or investment to be and stay married than it is a liability, especially when you marry a supportive and responsible man. It is not sweet to be working making ends meet. It is not sweet to be stressing yourself over where the money for next month rent is coming from. Keep in mind that 1 income + 1 income = 2 incomes, not zero income.

From a social perspective, it does elevate the image of the woman when she is married. Society looks at you differently. Yes, I understand you are not living your life for people, but that’s the way it is. Can you change that? Well, if you can, go right ahead make it happen. And when/if you do, please do inform me so I could help you spread the word.

Finally, we have too many single mothers out there struggling living egregiously. That is happening because of a choice they had made, for (for the most part) the man/men did not tie their hands and rape them. They had consensual sex with them. Hear me out, ladies: It is not smart to be sleeping with any man just because he has a penis for you to explore. Just know that actions have consequences. Have sex with someone who can be a plus to your life, not a burdensome liability. Use your brain to figure out what tends to work for YOU. No one should tell you how to live your life. However, when things go wrong, your problems, whether you want to agree with it or not, will become other people’s issues. So enjoy your sex life in a smart, responsible and safe manner.

PREMARITAL SEX & THE SIN FACTOR

Why do people think that premarital sex, which they call fornication, is a sin? This to me is foolishness. Sex is a need just like the need to be fed when hunger strikes. Do you commit a sin for satiating your thirst and hunger, when you are thirsty and hungry? I don’t think so.

The people making this foolish argument want you to marry the person before you could engage in sexual activities with them. Are they really serious? Wait a minute!!! Which marriage are they talking about –the natural marriage of the hearts, which no one can see when taken place (not even the two involved individuals) or the government’s issuance of this piece of paper with the header that reads “marriage certificate?” I am anxious to find out which marriage they are talking about.

We were born with our own sex engine, which, when cranked, has to produce mechanical work. The mechanism put in place to make possible the cranking of that engine is beyond our control. A one-year-old boy’s engine, for instance, could be cranked, and he would not have any knowledge as to what has caused that to happen.

In my view, there is no sin in premarital sex; it is all a scam. We use the sin concept to scare people out in order to establish some degree of order in society. Go ahead enjoy your sex life as much as you can. Just be smart and careful in so doing just like you would if you were to operate a motor vehicle. If the Almighty did not want you to produce mechanical work with that great piece of engine, he would have not blessed you with it in the first place. He did not give it to you as ornament to beautify your body; He gave it to you so you could put mileage on it. lol 😀