We cannot change society’s sentiments or perceptions of women having kids out of wedlock. Yes, it is not nice and kind for any woman to be looked down upon just because she has kids outside the realm of marriage. But what can you do? You cannot change that. What you can change, however, is your approach to courtship and sex.

Sex ought to be a very serious matter, something that must not be taken lightly. Why having sex with a man who does not see you good enough to be his wife? Please tell me. And when things get complicated and twisted, because a child comes to be added to the equation, you want to hate the man for not wanting to be in your life. You don’t mother his child as a way to keep him or pressure him to marry you. Some women do that, and I think it is very illogical.  

I am not here to be telling you to not be having premarital sex. In fact, you should already know where I stand on that. I encourage you to have responsible premarital sex. If you choose to abstain from having sex until you get married, that’s your choice, and no one should make you feel asocial or like some sort of a strange creature. But if you choose to have casual sex with someone you are not married to, be responsible about it. Enjoy the sexual pleasure there is to enjoy with your sense of reason and responsibility, meaning to do so with someone with the potentials and character to be your husband.

Some of you may argue that marriage is not for you. I can understand that, especially with women these days becoming more independent than ever before. However, from a socio-economic perspective, it is more of an asset or investment to be and stay married than it is a liability, especially when you marry a supportive and responsible man. It is not sweet to be working making ends meet. It is not sweet to be stressing yourself over where the money for next month rent is coming from. Keep in mind that 1 income + 1 income = 2 incomes, not zero income.

From a social perspective, it does elevate the image of the woman when she is married. Society looks at you differently. Yes, I understand you are not living your life for people, but that’s the way it is. Can you change that? Well, if you can, go right ahead make it happen. And when/if you do, please do inform me so I could help you spread the word.

Finally, we have too many single mothers out there struggling living egregiously. That is happening because of a choice they had made, for (for the most part) the man/men did not tie their hands and rape them. They had consensual sex with them. Hear me out, ladies: It is not smart to be sleeping with any man just because he has a penis for you to explore. Just know that actions have consequences. Have sex with someone who can be a plus to your life, not a burdensome liability. Use your brain to figure out what tends to work for YOU. No one should tell you how to live your life. However, when things go wrong, your problems, whether you want to agree with it or not, will become other people’s issues. So enjoy your sex life in a smart, responsible and safe manner.