We were not born to be married in order to be happy. We came to this world alone, alone we shall leave. So marriage is nothing more than a social obligation; it is not a life fulfillment. In other words, you don’t get married to live a happy life. Some people really misconceive the concept of marriage.
We were conceived with the capacity to be living happily alone. Marriage, as I argued before, is a social realization. We do it to be in conformity with the established societal norms. It is a misconstrued idea to believe that you have to be married to be happy. That level of thinking is worrisome.
In my opinion, marriage brings more stress into our lives than anything else, and reason being is that quite often we allow our happiness in the marriage to be placed in part in someone else’s hands -our husband’s or our wife’s. I have heard some women saying: “Without my husband, I don’t think I will be able to live.” That’s scary! That’s allowing someone other than yourself to have a too strong of a hold on your life.
Like most things in life, if not everything in life, marriage is a gamble. If you are lucky enough, you will hit the jackpot of a successful and happy marriage. But do not make it seem as though your husband or wife is the essence of your life. Don’t get caught in that level of reasoning.
Like someone had said before, the idea that marriage is a lifelong legal contract is preposterous. It should be like a lease, which should be renewed as you go along. When the lease is expired, when the lease is no longer valid, the decision whether to renew it or not would depend on many variables.
Some people choose to stay married, in spite of all the tribulations, humiliations and abuses they have been victim of mainly because they cannot begin to imagine living life outside their marriage; they express a sense of worthlessness without that person in their lives. But if they could, they would leave because they are not happy.
The decision to leave a marriage of so many years is not a joke. People are afraid of the unknown. Because they cannot see beyond the brick walls of their marriage, they are afraid to leave. That’s a serious decision for any one person to make.
Al and Tipper Gore, after being married for 40 years, have decided to be separated from each other; they have decided to kiss their marriage goodbye. Some think of the separation as devastating, I think of it differently. I do believe that their concerted and talked and thought through decision to go their separate ways is the best decision they could have made, and I am sure they are happy about it. They were emotionally separated years ago. It is just that it was not made the press. They were constrained to stay in the marriage only to please a society that does not really give a damn about them.
So the point I am trying to make in this piece is that I encourage anybody who wants to be married to do so because, in terms of human relations, it is good to know that you are loved. But if it is not producing the expected results, if it is revealing to be a bag of stress, if it is not what you thought it was going to be, if it is or has become a pain in the rectum, do as the Gores did -get out of it (regardless how long you’ve been married) before it takes your life away. Remember, stress is a silent killer. It will sneak on and kill you silently.
Wow! I wish you could also write this piece in creole. I am living this nightmare right now. My husband of six years would not agree to a divorce because he says the bible does not allow one to divorce.
Marriage is mostly a legal tool to determine inheritance rights. Property and wealth are passed to “blood heirs” and marriage originally was a way to determine legal claims. Today we have DNA for “blood” proof and we have legal ways to pass on our worldly goods to any one or any organization we choose. We also hear that gays can’t marry because the Bible requires marriage to produce children. Proponents are unable to explain why a man and a woman who choose not procreate, or can’t for medical reasons can marry or why gay couples who choose to adopt or, in the case of two women who choose artificial insemination, don’t meet that requirement. This is the twenty-first century, time for new religions and new ways to look at modern day lives and relationships. When the Catholic king of England wanted to get rid of his wife he had them executed and created a new church. Rich Catholics simply pay a lot of money to the church to have a marriage annulled even when they have children and were married in the church to begin with.